Atari Mega Archive 1/Atari Mega Archive - Volume 1.iso/misc/quote2.zoo/quotes/quantuml.qte

Text File | 1992-07-05 | 67KB | 2,708 lines

Oh, boy.
   --Dr. Sam Beckett, M.D., Ph.D.

#
I still can't believe she went back to work [after having a baby].
What's wrong with that?
   -- Gloria and Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
You shouldn't need a man to make you feel complete.
   -- Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
I wish a hologram could eat ...
   -- Al, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
Women!  They just don't understand the old double-standard!!
   -- Al, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
I've seen that look before!  You're wearing that `the earth moved
last night' look.
   -- Al to Sam, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
Al?
Here, your Grace.
My armor. My sword.
More misadventures?
ADVENTURES, old friend.
   -- Sam and Al, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
But HE loved *pure* and *chaste* from *afar*....
Well, that part was never big with me, either.
   -- Al, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
I'm not into necrophilia!
At last, something sexual he's not into!
  -- Al and Sam, "A Portrait for Troian"

#
Break a leg ...
  -- Sam to the star, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
I couldn't play Chopsticks in Chinatown.
  -- Al, "Blind Faith"

#
Did I do this sort of thing in college?
You were 16 when you went to college . . . you were a meganerd.
  -- Sam and Al, "Animal Frat"

#
It's 1995: do you know where your quantum physicist is?
  -- Debbie Brown, usenet

#
Quantum physicists need love too.
  -- Debbie Brown, usenet

#
Do you take anything seriously?
Yeah.  Quantum physics and time travel.
  -- Rachel and Sam, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
The fact that you were a practicing pervert at the age of 5 has
nothing to do with the rest of the world!
  -- Sam to Al, "Another Mother"

#
Mom . . . How?
Girl Scouts.
Awesome.
  -- Kevin and Sam, "Another Mother"

#
Well, if we're gonna go down in flames, I'll help you pick out
the records.
  -- Al, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
Doorknobs are usually placed a little lower, aren't they?
  -- Rachel, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
Submitted for your approval:  Dr. Sam Beckett, quantum physicist
who dared pry too deeply into the mysteries of time; now a man
borrowing other people's lives, trapped in his own past...and in
the Twilight Zone.
  -- Kelly St.Clair, usenet

#
I knew how it was going to end when I took Brenda into the file
room . . . but I still took her.
  -- Al, "Genesis"

#
A good quantum physicist is hard to find.
  -- Vicky Sailer, usenet

#
I don't think I heard you, punk!
I'll write it down if you can read.
  -- Rueban and Sam, "All Americans"

#
You think I waited until I was sixteen to lose my virginity?
Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to.
  -- Al and Sam, "All Americans"

#
Knowledge by gender, jerk.
  -- Susan, "Another Mother"

#
Advice from the world's most sexually backward teenager!
  -- Al to Sam, "Another Mother"

#
They're that close?
Yup, just like me and you.
  -- Sam and Al, "All Americans"

#
They could have killed me!
They still might.
  -- Sam and Al, "All Americans"

#
That pass was like a $10 hooker, it wasn't pretty, but it got
the job done.
  -- Al, "All Americans"

#
How come you aren't out there acting my age?
Your age?
Yeah, 16, I'll always be 16 in my heart.
  -- Al and Sam, "All Americans"

#
Gooooooood Morning, Peoria!
  -- Sam

#
Sometimes wierd things just happen ...
  -- Sam, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
I just made a complete idiot out of myself.
  -- Sam, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
Hey, look Sam, I'm gonna leap!
  -- Al, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
The invisible man has dropped by to say a few words...
What's your favorite thing about being invisible?
The women's dressing room at Landon's Department Store.
What's the worst thing about being invisible?
Trying to find my mouth with my cigar.
And that's nothing compared to when you get the invisible girl
in the back seat of the car.
  -- Sam with some prompting from Al, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
We were dancing...
I'd call it rampaging hormones.
  -- Sam and Rachel, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
Maybe you should put on a long playing record ...
  -- Al, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
Oy vey, I'm the Rabbi.
  -- Sam, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
I hope you never leap into the Rockettes.
  -- Al, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
What's wrong with a good, old-fashioned one night stand?
  -- Al, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
Fidelity is the basis of a good relationship ... of course I
couldn't expect you to understand that could I?
My relationships have all been good, it's my marriages that
haven't worked out.
  -- Sam and Al, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
Quantum physicists aren't hard to find, they always leave their
tracks behind!
  -- Angela Tchen, usenet

#
Help me.  I've been LEAPed!!
  -- Buc the Leapper *new convert*, usenet

#
Ms. Melanie will be squished by a choo-choo.
  -- Al, "The Color of Truth"

#
We've been having some difficulty with Ziggy, he's going through
mood swings.  I think we need to get a girl computer and put it
right next to him, one with a nice set of hard disks ...
You would.
  -- Al and Sam, "Jimmy"

#
Couldn't you give them name tags?
  -- Sam (glancing heavenward), "How the Tess was Won"

#
That's a cross we all have to bear, performance under pressure.
  -- Al, "How the Tess was Won"

#
Bonanza was never like this...
  -- Sam, "How the Tess was Won"

#
She took my second favorite organ and stomped it to death with
her 4 inch spiked heels.
  -- Al (about Tina), "How the Tess was Won"

#
You're here to play Rhett Butler ...
Tell Ziggy to shove that!
  -- Al and Sam, "So Help Me God"

#
Thank you, Perry Mason.
  -- Sam, "So Help Me God"

#
That's being the case your honor, since the law requires a trial
by a jury of one's peers, we have no choice but to reluctantly
accept these white jurors as Lyla's equals.
  -- Sam, "So Help Me God"

#
I'll let you play Rhett Butler ...
  -- Sugar (to Sam), "So Help Me God"

#
What do you want of me?
Nothing.
Liar.
(I'm with her.)
  -- Nicole and Sam, rehearsing a scene, and Al, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
That was our song, when we started Quantum Leap ... we're
building the imaging chamber, that's the only disk you ever
played, Man of La Mancha.
Even if I remember the lyrics, can I sing?
  -- Al and Sam, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
Hoping every year can be a Leap year...
  -- Ken Hunt, usenet

#
Buddy, why don't you try Peggy Sue?  It'll sound better.
  -- Sam, "How the Tess Was Won"

#
How long have you been there?
Long enough to see your last pass fall short of the goal line.
  -- Sam and Al, "Her Charm"

#
You don't talk to yourself, you talk to an imaginary playmate!
  -- Dana, "Her Charm"

#
TOUCHDOWN Redskins!
I love it when they beat the Cowboys.
  -- Radio announcer and Joseph, "Freedom"

#
You're part of a Shoshone war party.
I don't want to be on the warpath!
  -- Al and Sam, "Freedom"

#
I thought we just borrowed them ...
The horses don't know that.
  -- Sam and Joseph, "Freedom"

#
Hey, you shoot like a white man!
  -- Joseph (to the sheriff), "Freedom"

#
Sam, this is great, we're getting to watch a bit of authentic
American history.
  -- Al, "Freedom"

#
All of life is a series of leaps, for us grasshoppers.
  -- Joseph, "Freedom"

#
George, are you going to scalp him?
No.
Oh ... too bad.
  -- Joseph and Sam, "Freedom"

#
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
  -- Theresa, "Double Identity"

#
Oh boy, I'm supposed to speak Italian.
  -- Sam, "Double Identity"

#
Maybe I'm here to start the unisex revolution.
  -- Sam, "Double Identity"

#
You'd trust your leap to them?
I trust you and Ziggy ...
  -- Al and Sam, "Double Identity"

#
Did you hear that?
That was my zipper.
  -- Sam and Theresa, "Double Identity"

#
Awwwww Sam ... not the head again, every time we leap in we gotta
go talk in the men's room ... it's disgusting!
Can you think of a better place to talk?
... The ladies room?
  -- Al and Sam, "Pool Hall Blues"

#
I couldn't shoot a game of pool with a shotgun.
  -- Sam, "Pool Hall Blues"

#
It just goes to show you can't mess with time-traveling quantum
physicists!! ;-D
  -- Debbie Brown, usenet

#
Don't you dare!
You know, sometimes you take all the fun out of being a hologram.
  -- Sam and Al, "Leaping in Without a Net"

#
Am I ever wrong?! ... marriages don't count.
  -- Al, "Leaping in Without a Net"

#
I never noticed before how many times you've been reincarnated!
I don't believe in reincarnation.
You would if you could see all the souls in your eyes.
  -- Sybil and "Victor", "Leaping in Without a Net"

#
I take all the risks, Dean takes all the punch lines.
  -- Scott Bakula

#
Al, you're floating in thin air!
I'm a hologram!  I *AM* thin air!
  -- Sam and Al, "Leaping in Without a Net"

#
Let go of the bar!
I CAN'T!
What are you - a wimp?
YES!!
  -- Al and Sam, "Leaping in Without a Net"

#
She stripped and I MISSED IT! ... I'm supposed to be the observer
on this project!
  -- Al, "Maybe Baby"

#
Well, sometimes once is enough ... but personally that's not my
opinion.
  -- Al, "Leaping in Without a Net"

#
She probably knows what I like too, that doesn't make her my mother.
  -- Al, "Maybe Baby"

#
Just give me the original history, please!
  -- Sam, "Maybe Baby"

#
Break-in?  Nixon?  Impeachment?
I don't remember.
Oh boy, the Republicans would love you.
  -- Al and Sam, "Star-Crossed"

#
No offense Al, but this time I'm going to make Ziggy my best man.
  -- Sam, "Star-Crossed"

#
You would shoot that magnificent creature?
It was a buck!
BAMBI was a buck!
  -- Jamie Lee and Oscar, "Star-Crossed"

#
Wanna bet?
Yeah, I've got connections.
  -- Al and Sam, "Star-Crossed"

#
She knew how I liked my burger.  Shove that up your gauge circuits,
Ziggy.
  -- Sam, "Star-Crossed"

#
If you look into my eyes, you'll see another soul.
  -- Sam to Donna, "Star-Crossed"

#
Oh my God, Sam, you've got to see this!
  -- Al, in the professor's closet, "Star-Crossed"

#
Don't you think you have choice?
Do you?
Well, I used to, I'm not sure any more.
  -- Sam and Donna, "Star-Crossed"

#
How long have you been there?
Long enough to know you could still construct an atomic bomb if
you had to.
  -- Sam and Al, "Star-Crossed"

#
How could I write Col. Wojohoitz in hieroglyphics?
  -- Al, "Star-Crossed"

#
Harry, we got an open door.
Police, this is the Watergate, we've got a break-in here.
  -- the security guards, after Sam and Donna left the door open,
     "Star-Crossed"

#
Don't give me that 'sick puppy' look! ... Stop it! ... I'll never
scratch you behind the ears again!
  -- Al, "Star-Crossed"

#
'Horny' isn't romantic!
  -- Sam, "Star-Crossed"

#
I was talking to myself, it's kind of a bad habit I can't get rid of.
  -- Sam, glaring at Al, "Sea Bride"

#
That little waltz may have just cost you your life ...
Tango.
  -- Vinnie and Sam, "Sea Bride"

#
Oh no, no no no no! Not a woman! Not high heels! Not again!
  -- Sam, "M.I.A."

#
Personally...uh...I think you would look kind of foxy in this
little purple number with the white fuzz.  Just my opinion.
  -- Al (to Sam), "M.I.A."

#
Pants . . . thank you!
  -- Sam, "M.I.A"

#
Wow, six kids, you guys are gonna be busy bunnies.
  -- Al, to Catherine and Philip, "Sea Bride"

#
I was captured by spacemen and taken to some time in the future
where I was forced to eat Chinese food for two weeks - and I'm
still hungry!"
        -- Sam, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
She sounds just like the Wicked Witch of the East!  Or is that the
Wicked Witch of the West?"
  -- Al, about the girlfriend's mother, "Blind Faith"

#
Sam, the next leap is to my house!
  -- Lisa Rungo, usenet

#
June 25th to June 29th ==== LEAP WEEK ==== Be there
  -- Lisa Rungo, usenet

#
Disco? . . . I'd rather be dead!
  -- Sam, "Disco Inferno"

#
The chances of you having stage fright are about as likely as ...
as ... a B-movie actor becoming President.
Stranger things have happened.
  -- Michelle and Sam, "Blind Faith"

#
Your mother is afraid of cats.
  -- Al to Chopin, "Blind Faith"

#
This dog eats better than I do!
This dog works harder than you do.
  -- Al and Sam, "Blind Faith"

#
Couldn't you at least spit out the shells?
  -- Sam to Chopin, "Blind Faith"

#
All you need now is some sequins and a candelabra.
  -- Al, "Blind Faith"

#
Sometimes I feel like I'm a scientist in the middle of an experiment
that no one else believes in.
  -- Sam, "Blind Faith"

#
(Oh God he's speaking Italian. What would Frankie say? Frankie
would say something in Italian.) Volare.
Uh..Sam, you just told him to fly away.
  -- Sam and Al, "Double Identity"

#
Sam?  At last I'm going to be called by my own name.
  -- Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
I told you, you should have worn a girdle.
I'm not into bondage.
  -- Gloria and Sam, "What Price Gloria"

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No stockings, you're such a bohemian.
  -- Gloria, "What Price Gloria"

#
Time has packaged my best friend into a goddess of love.
  -- Al, "What Price Gloria"

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Don't start unless you want to eat your teeth for lunch.
  -- Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
I want a beer -- a lite beer.
I want to make some microwave popcorn.
I want to sit down in front of the TV, start the VCR ...
I just ... I just want to go home
  -- Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
That time of the month, huh?
No . . . I don't think so.
  -- Gloria and Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
I hope when the right guy comes along he realizes what a good
woman you are.
  -- Gloria to Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
That's not my mommy, that's a man!
  -- Theresa, "Another Mother".

#
Don't think that you can't ever change the past and the future.
You might not think so now but just you wait and see - someone
will come to help you.
  - Kate Bush, "Love and Anger" (not actually referring to Sam
    and Al of course, although the same song does have some
    strange references to strings...)
  -- Larne Pekowsky, usenet

#
I'm a woman!
and I'm in love.
  -- Sam and Al, "What Price Gloria"

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Would you stop looking at me like that!
  -- Sam to Al, "What Price Gloria"

#
You have a wonderful sense of humor.
  -- Sam (glancing heavenward), "What Price Gloria"

#
Two hours as Samantha and I knew that the lyrics to "I Enjoy Being
a Girl" were not written by a woman.
  -- Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
Whatever I did, I'm sorry!
  -- Sam (glancing heavenward), "What Price Gloria"

#
How's the girl of my dreams?
  -- Al to Sam, "What Price Gloria"

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This is hard on me Sam!
  -- Al, "What Price Gloria"

#
It's like someone designed a modern day torture rack you can wear,
from the bra, to the stockings, the tight skirts and the shoes
from hell.
  -- Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
Men don't want whats in here, they want what you've got!
  -- Gloria, "What Price Gloria"

#
Hi cutie, you look great in power blue.
I'm gonna tie a bell around your neck.
  -- Al and Sam, "What Price Gloria"

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Ziggy figures 97% ... course there's always that 3% margin of error.
  -- Al, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
Don't blame me, blame Ziggy.
  -- Al, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
There's something strange about Charlie.
Strange?
He's different.
He's a man now.
No, it's something else, the look in his eyes, a mother can tell.
  -- Lenore and Henry McKensie, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
Good breaks, ne?
Must be made in Japan.
  -- Machiko and Sam, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
Taking a little time out for a roll in the hay, Sam?
This is NOT what it looks like!
When I think of all the times you tried to make ME feel like a sleaze.
  -- Al and Sam, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
The only thing that would shock her is a cattle prod.
  -- Al (about Naomi), "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
I just love weddings, maybe because I've done it 5 times.
  -- Al, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
I'm gonna call you 'dead' if you don't get out of my face!
  -- Sam, "What Price Gloria"

#
I suppose things are happening rather abruptly for you.
I'm getting used to it.
  -- Sister Angela and Sam, "The Right Hand of God"

#
He's got more holes in his muffler than you've get in your memory.
  -- Al, "The Right Hand of God"

#
People with monogamous relationships don't wake up with guilty
consciences.
They don't have any fun either.
  -- Sam and Al, "The Right Hand of God"

#
How did you ever get to be a prize fighter?
I just kinda fell into it.
  -- Sister Angela and Sam, "The Right Hand of God"

#
Quantum Leap: Wednesdays at ten.
Fun to watch.
Tough to explain.
  -- NBC commercial

#
I have three words for you ...
Chick you're fired.
Your record's ending.
  -- Rachel and Sam, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
Don't die or you'll never see 'Star Wars'!
  -- Sam, "Jimmy"

#
If you hurt him you scumbag, I'll kill you.
  -- Al, "Another Mother"

#
Sixteen?  You're kidding, you're not kidding! Sixteen?
  -- Al, "All Americans"

#
Sam, me and Wookie made a painting.
  -- Theresa, "Another Mother"

#
It's bad luck to kill someone before your wedding.
Not in Brooklyn.
  -- Sam and Vinnie, "Sea Bride"

#
Magic, have you been eating onions again?
  -- just about everybody!, "Pool Hall Blues"

#
Wait, don't tell me, I'm a PE major with a minor in .. underwater
hotel management!
No, you're a physicist with a shot at the Nobel prize ... only
kidding!
  -- Sam and Al, "Animal Frat"

#
But you hate dancing.
Maybe I never had the right incentive.
  -- the pilot's wife and Sam, "Genesis"

#
Sugar glazed, jelly filled with sprinkles on top!"
  -- Dixie and Sam, "The Right Hand of God"

#
Oh look at these old 8-track tapes!
You just bought those!
Well, they get old pretty fast.
  -- Sam and Chris, "Disco Inferno"

#
Are you all right Dr. Heimlich?
  -- Party Attendee, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away ...
  -- Sam, "Jimmy"

#
What, are you afraid of what Abbie Hoffman will say if you go to
a party?
Who's Abbie Hoffman?
  -- Sam and Elisabeth, "Animal Frat"

#
I'm glad you're enjoying this positive parenting experience but...
  -- Sam to Al, "Another Mother"

#
He's spitting everything in Japanese. That's what you get for
feeding him foreign microchips.
  -- Al about Ziggy, "Disco Inferno"

#
It works!  Our string theory, it works!
Don't you recognize me?  I'm Sam Be....
  -- Sam, "Her Charm"

#
Are you kidding? How long have we known each other?
I don't remember.
Aw, Sam! Even with a swiss-cheesed memory that hurts!
  -- Al and Sam, "Leaping In Without a Net"

#
Unbutton her dress Sam...slowly...oooh I wish I could help!
  -- Al, "Sea Bride"

#
You can come out now Al, it's over.
  -- Sam, "Good Night, Dear Heart"

#
You would have made a great Dr. Watson Al.
  -- Sam, "Good Night, Dear Heart"

#
Talking to the stiffs again, Melvin?
  -- Aggie, catching Sam talking to Al, "Good Night, Dear Heart"

#
Now, what am I forgetting? ...
How sick this is making me!
  -- Al and Sam (cooking chitlins), "The Color of Truth"

#
Tina's got a friend ...
  -- Al, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
You've been hit in the head too many times with a sap, Nick.
  -- Policeman, on Sam talking to Al, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
Allison is a killer!
  -- Al, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
Al, so help me, if you start in on one of your sleazy sex stories,
hologram or no hologram, I'll slug you.
  -- Sam, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
Some women have kinky taste in men, thank God.
  -- Al, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
You want to have safe sex with her, you'd better wear a bullet
proof vest.
  -- Al, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
I'm going to check the ladies room.
AL!
Somebody's gotta do it.
  -- Al and Sam, looking for Allison, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
Your instincts got you married FIVE times ...
  -- Sam, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
Peter, you're not that cute.  Didn't anyone ever tell you that
men aren't supposed to be that vain?!
Didn't anyone ever tell you it's not nice to be rude and pushy!
  -- Dana and Sam, "Her Charm"

#
Who's Al?
A friend, a *real good* friend.
Well, let's not get all mushy about it.
  -- Seymour, Sam, and Al, "Play it Again, Seymour"

#
Sam, if ya want to leap, ya gotta . . . leap!"
  -- Al, "Animal Frat"

#
If all the men of the world could make love with all the women of
the world, there would be no more war.
Until their wives found out.
  -- Al and Sam, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
I have kind of an unusual lifestyle.
  -- Sam, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
SCOTT BAKULA FOR BEST ACTOR!!!!!
  -- Vicky Sailer, usenet

#
That's great Sam! He hit you, that means he still loves her. Let him
hit you again!
  -- Al, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
Can I help it if I look good in black? Besides I hadn't planned on
dressing tonight.
  -- Allison, "Play it Again, Seymour"

#
You've done it to me this time!
  -- Sam (glancing heavenward), "Honeymoon Express"

#
Why would a cop bring his gun and handcuffs on his honeymoon?
. . . I'm thinking like Al!
  -- Sam, looking at Diane, "Honeymoon Express"

#
Do you want me to come back later?
  -- Al, popping in on "Tom" and Diane, "Honeymoon Express"

#
Why are you wasting this on him?
  -- Al (glancing heavenward), "Honeymoon Express"

#
Not the mens room again, Sam, I'm starting to feel like a pervert.
  -- Al, "Honeymoon Express"

#
I've done everything I think you put me here to do, so please,
either leap me out of here or look the other way.
  -- Sam, "Honeymoon Express"

#
What are you doing?
Reading your champagne bubbles.  It's kinda like reading tea
leaves only it's more accurate.
  -- Diane and Sam, "Honeymoon Express"

#
You'll enter politics ... and become the first President of the
United States to give birth in the oval office.
  -- Sam to Diane, "Honeymoon Express"

#
Is that how you're mother calmed you down, by making you laugh?
No, she gave me a book to read.
At 2?
  -- Diane and Sam, "Honeymoon Express"

#
I have loved every woman I ever slept with ... at the time I
slept with them.
  -- Al, "Honeymoon Express"

#
She thinks I'm her husband ... in a few minutes she's going to
expect me to go in there and make love to her.
What's the problem?
  -- Sam and Al, "Honeymoon Express"

#
Oh Sam, you're going to have to bite the bullet, while I go back
to put research on line, you're going to have to face a beautiful
woman, who wants to spend the entire night making mad, passionate
love to you.  It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.
  -- Al, "Honeymoon Express"

#
Admiral, are you trying to tell us that God has taken control of
Project Quantum Leap?
  -- the Senate Committee Chairman, "Honeymoon Express"

#
I'm sorry, I know you're not getting the honeymoon you expected.
  -- Sam to the mirror, "Honeymoon Express"

#
What does Ziggy say?
Since when do you listen to egotistical hybrid computers?
Since you started talking global impact.
  -- Sam and Al, "Honeymoon Express"

#
I have something to tell you, my name isn't Tom McBride.
Oh, what is it?
Beckett, it's Sam Beckett.
The playwright?
 ... I don't think so.
Then who?
Primarily I'm a quantum physicist ...
Oh, I like it ... and I'm Laura, the KGB's sexiest agent.  I
boarded the Orient Express with orders to seduce Sam Beckett,
America's most famous astrophysicist
...Quantum physicist...
and have him fall madly in love with me and drive him crazy by
refusing to sleep with him until he tells me how to make a
hydrogen bomb.
  -- Sam and Diane, "Honeymoon Express"

#
If you don't prove you're back here they're gonna shut down the
project.
In case you hadn't noticed, I don't need the project, they aren't
leaping me around any more, God is.
  -- Al and Sam, "Honeymoon Express"

#
If they shut down the project, you won't be able to contact me.
I was thinking of trying a couple of tin cans on a piece of string.
  -- Sam and Al, "Honeymoon Express"

#
I don't think I can make it without you, Al.
  -- Sam, "Honeymoon Express"

#
Next time it will be easier.
  -- Roget, after Sam stabs him, "Honeymoon Express"

#
I know you haven't proven that Dr. Beckett has traveled back in
time or that if having done so he can make an impact of global
importance, but it is the opinion of this committee that such
heroic undertakings advance the human cause and whether or not
they succeed is not so important as the fact that we tried.
  -- Senator Diane McBride, "Honeymoon Express"

#
I'm in a real identity crisis here, Al!
  -- Sam, "Genesis"

#
That was ME with her last night!  MY soul!
  -- Sam, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
I'd love to be standing in your makeup.
  -- Al, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
What is she doing in Syracuse?
I bet a lot of people ask themselves that question.
  -- Sam and Al, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
You know how the road is, you tend to leap around a lot.
  -- Sam, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
I'm trapped in the body of a Troglodyte!
  -- Sam, "Animal Frat"

#
Uh-oh. If this is glory, something tells me I'm in big trouble
  -- Sam, "A Portrait for Troian"

#
You brought me all the way up here to get killed without any lights!?
<click> See. Light- to shoot you by.
  -- Dana and Sam, "Her Charm"

#
Sing?
Yeah, you know, make a noise with your voice.
  -- Sam and Al, "Double Identity"

#
I think that last leap in time has added more holes to that swiss
cheese memory of yours.
  -- Al, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
That's not my mommy, that's a man! ... and so's the guy in the
yucky shirt."
  -- Theresa, "Another Mother"

#
Angel Sam is the Doll Elf.
  -- Al, "Another Mother"

#
Network Programming - Even quantum physicists can't figure it out!
  -- Carl, on usenet

#
I'm stuck in '56 with a brain like swiss-cheese and YOU'RE having
'technical difficulties'!
  -- Sam, "Genesis"

#
Maybe that's all winning is... having the right person believe in
you.
  -- Sam, "The Right Hand of God"

#
You're part of a time travel experiment that went a little caca.
  -- Al, "Genesis"

#
The problem isn't Denise, the problem is *THE MUFFLER FROM HELL*!
  -- Al, "The Right Hand of God"

#
Don't listen to Sans-a-beak there!
  -- Al, "The Leap Home"

#
Ya got a lot of Boy Scout in you, Sam.
  -- Al, "The Leap Home"

#
Lisa wants to know if you're taking anyone to the Gobbler hop
after the game.
Oh boy.
I knew he was shy, but that's ridiculous.
  -- One of the cheerleaders and Sam, "The Leap Home"

#
Sam, you scared 10 years out of me!
Mom?
  -- Thelma Beckett and Sam, "The Leap Home"

#
You're not old Dad, you look just the way I remember you.
What, since you left for school this morning?
  -- Sam and John Beckett, "The Leap Home"

#
Lisa asked him to the dance after the game on Saturday and you
know what Sam did?
Katie!
He ran away!
(Figures.)
Katie and Sam, with comments from Al, "The Leap Home"

#
What would you do if you ran into a girl you had a crush on 25
years ago? ... Don't answer that!
  -- Sam to Al, "The Leap Home"

#
Cheerleaders!  I'll bet Lisa's the one with the cute pompoms.
They don't have ... (glare)
  -- Al and Sam, "The Leap Home"

#
You hear that, whoever you are, where ever you are - I QUIT.
  -- Sam, "The Leap Home"

#
I feel like Dennis Hopper in "Hoosiers".
  -- Al, "The Leap Home"

#
You're the best.
Yeah, but I'm not eligible to play.
  -- Sam and Tom, "The Leap Home"

#
Where do I bunk?
My place?
  -- Maggie Dawson and Al, "Vietnam"

#
Magic's got a sixth sense.
Yeah, you could call me that.
  -- Tom and Al, "Vietnam"

#
Ah, woman, you're picking the wrong man.
  -- Al to Maggie Dawson, "Vietnam"

#
Sam, I am the one who thinks with his glands, not you!
  -- Al, "Vietnam"

#
Just remember, you've got an ace in the hole, me.
  -- Al, "Vietnam"

#
Oh, and Chick..
Yes?
..If you're late again tomorrow, you're fired.
Sounds like love to me.
  --Rachel, Sam, and Al, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
(My first impression is- I'm not here for a date.)
Oh no, *not* you!
(Definitely *not* a date.)
  -- Sam (to himself) and Dana, "Her Charm"

#
No one has fun all the time. Not even me.
Well, *there's* a news flash.
  -- Al and Sam, "Animal Frat"

#
Where'd you learn to use your feet like that?
Old Chinese movies?
  -- Father Mac and Sam, "Leap of Faith"

#
I wanted to talk to you but I cooled it outside until you finished
talking to yourself.
  -- Joey, "Leap of Faith"

#
Just forgive everybody and don't talk too much.
  -- Al, "Leap of Faith"

#
I'm just wondering how in 20 years 'main squeeze' gets from
Seymour to Black slang.
  -- Al, "Play it Again Seymour"

#
Don't worry Carl, lions never eat photographers, they give them
indigestion.
Though I understand they nibble at the slow ones now and then ...
  -- Helen and Byron, "One Strobe Over the Line"

#
It's like [the cat] just leaped in out of nowhere.
You gotta be careful when you do that.
  -- Edie and Sam, "One Strobe Over the Line"

#
This was always my favorite part of modeling actually.
  -- Al, on finding Helen and Sam in a clinch, "One Strobe Over the Line"

#
Oh I get it, you talk to yourself but you won't talk to me!
I really hate that. My ex-husband used to do that...
I'll talk to you.
I will too.
  -- Dana, Sam, and Al, "Her Charm"

#
Are you a woman this week, Daddy?
  -- Chelsy Bakula (age 6)

#
What does this man have that women can't resist?
  -- an ad for Quantum Leap

#
Do you like cats?
Yea, ...little ones.
  -- Edie and Sam, "One Strobe Over the Line"

#
Al?
My dog, Al ... on the farm.
YOUR DOG!
... Best friend a guy could ever have.
  -- Edie, Sam and Al, "One Strobe Over the Line"

#
This is great Al!  It's like painting with people!
  -- Sam, "One Strobe Over the Line"

#
Isn't it a little past your bedtime?
Not if I can't find my bed.
  -- Al and Sam, "Leap of Faith"

#
Unbelievable, I've leaped into the Addams family.
  -- Sam, "The Boogieman"

#
Them that dance with the devil are bound to get scorched.
  -- Tulley, "The Boogieman"

#
What's time to old Scratch?  Yesterday's tomorrow for him.
  -- Tulley, "The Boogieman"

#
Sam, I don't like things that fly around without wings.
  -- 'Al', "The Boogieman"

#
Why are you doing this?
To put an end to your meddling.  Who gave you the right to go
bungling around in time, putting right what I made wrong?
I'm just trying to get home.
Well you're not going to make it!
  -- Sam and the devil, "The Boogieman"

#
Hey, Mr. Ray, I got this idea for my book!
  -- Stevie, "The Boogieman"

#
He could out stubborn a goat.
  -- Sam's mother, "The Leap Home"

#
It all started when a time traveling experiment I was conducting
went a little ca-ca.  In the blink of a cosmic clock, I went from
quantum physicist to Air Force test pilot, which would have been
fun...if I knew how to fly.  Fortunately, I had help: an observer
from the project named Al.  Unfortunately, Al is a hologram so all
he can lend is moral support.  Anyway, here I am bouncing around
in time, putting things right that one went wrong.  A sort of time
traveling Lone Ranger with Al as my Tonto.  And I don't even need
a mask.
  -- Dr. Sam Beckett

#
Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime,
Dr. Sam Beckett led an elite group of scientists into the desert
to develop a top secret project known as Quantum Leap.  Pressured
to prove his theories or lose funding, Dr. Beckett prematurely
stepped into the project accelerator and vanished.  He awoke to
find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and
facing a mirror image that was not his own.  Fortunately, contact
with his own time was maintained with Al, the project observer,
who appears in the form of a hologram that only Dr. Beckett can
see and hear.  Trapped in the past, Dr. Beckett finds himself
leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went
wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap
home.

#
I want to love someone so much that the thought of living without
him would be too much to bear.  I want to breath him.  I want the
scent of him to make me smile.  I want to look into his eyes and
know that I'm alive.
  -- Dana, "Her Charm"

#
First time my sister got married, she was 17.  I guess she wanted
to get away from the farm.  He drank a lot and when he got drunk
...she was too afraid to leave and too ashamed to tell anyone.
  -- Sam, "Camikazi Kid"

#
Okay, it's not a dream. It's a nightmare. And if it's a nightmare,
sooner or later, there's going to be a boogieman"
  -- Sam, "Genesis"

#
Oh my God, I'm Popeye!
  -- Sam, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
Sam, uh, Ziggy says that there's definitely something there.
That's more than I can say for you.
  -- Al and 'Al', "The Boogieman"

#
Who are you?
Ying and Yang, Good and Evil, God ...
The Devil.
In the flesh, so to speak.
  -- Mary, 'Al' and Sam, "The Boogieman"

#
Nobody else could have done it!
Maybe the boogieman.
  -- Sam & 'Al', _The_Boogieman_

#
Oh Boy!
No, I told ya, it's a girl.
  -- Sam and Bunny, "Maybe Baby"

#
She really bent your mind like a spoon.
  -- Al to Sam, "Maybe Baby"

#
You know that feeling when someone scrapes their fingernails on a
chalkboard?! You know that feeling?!
Are trying to say I make your skin crawl?!
  -- Sam and Dana, "Her Charm"

#
Sometimes I think fidelity is highly overrated.
  -- Al, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
I'm not saving that arrogant ass!
  -- Sam, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
Cross my heart and hope to.... limbo.
  -- Sam, "The Boogieman"

#
What happened?  Did the storm knock the power out?
No, it was the boogieman!
  -- Sam and Jimmy, "A Portrait for Troian"

#
I'll tell you what I think, that lake is so cold, Julian needs
someone to cuddle.
  -- Al, "A Portrait for Troian"

#
You tell Ziggy that if he doesn't center me on Troian right now,
I'm going to pull his sex sensory microchips and feed them to
Tina's crocodile!
  -- Al, "A Portrait for Troian"

#
Smile!
  -- Al, "Miss Deep South"

#
She had a major league set of gun turrets. ... That was a
complement!
On what planet?
  -- Al and Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
I haven't seen a black and white set like this since I was a
little ... girl.
  -- Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
You know, you're really a prude!
  -- Al to Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
Zippers were a brilliant invention.
  -- Al, "Miss Deep South"

#
You see that, even as a hologram I'VE GOT IT.
  -- Al, "Miss Deep South"

#
Don't tell me, let me guess, Scarlett O'Hara on steroids.
  -- Al, "Miss Deep South"

#
Where did you learn to ...
4H club.
  -- Connie and Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
I felt alive - like I had electricity shootin' all through my body...you
ever felt that way?
Yeah, once or twice.
  -- Connie and Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
So ... what are you measurements?
Why?
  -- The pageant judge and Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
That was the most humiliating experience of my life.
  -- Sam, on the 'talent' contest, "Miss Deep South"

#
Just hang in there Connie, the cavalry's coming.
  -- Al, "Miss Deep South"

#
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
  -- Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
I'm sorry, was that your foot? ... Watch your head! ... I'm sorry ...
  -- Sam to Clint, "Miss Deep South"

#
Dr. Samuel Beckett, PhD., MD, Nobel Prize Winner and Miss Deep
South, 1959
  -- Vicky Sailer, usenet

#
Theorizing that one could time-travel within his own lifetime,
Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator - and
vanished.  He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing
mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force
to change history for the better.  His only guide on this journey
is Al, an observer from his own time who appears in the form of a
hologram that only Sam can see and hear.  And so Dr. Beckett finds
himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once
went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the
leap home.

#
It's not fair, Al.  I mean, c'mon.  It's not fair.
Well, I think it's damn fair.
What?!
I'd give anything to see my father and my sister for a few days.
To be able to talk with them again.  Laugh with them.  Tell them
how much I love them.  I'd give anything to have what you have,
Sam.  Anything.
  -- Sam and Al, "The Leap Home"

#
Al, we've got Clapper...
Careful, Sam, there was no cure for that in 1953...
  -- Sam and Al, "Play It Again, Seymour"

#
Deny everything.
  -- Al to Sam, "The Great Spontini"

#
You were incredible that weekend, Harry, I've never been able to
look at a balcony the same way since.
  -- Maggie, "The Great Spontini"

#
Ladies and Gentlemen ... The Great Spontini!
Oh boy.
  -- Jamie and Sam, "The Great Spontini"

#
Take pity on me, Sam.  I haven't been myself lately.  Tina's been
away for a couple of weeks visiting her mother and...
I do have my _needs_, you know!
God forbid you should have two weeks down time.
  -- Al and Sam, "The Great Spontini"

#
Sam, did I ever tell you that when I was in the orphanage they
used to call me "Al the Pick"?
  -- Al, "The Great Spontini"

#
Looks like you're out of a job, butthead.
My sentiments exactly, butthead.
  -- Jamie and Al to Steve the sleazy lawyer, "The Great Spontini"

#
On QL preemption:
Hey! We Leapers have our _needs_! :->
  -- Dianne T. De Sha, usenet

#
What am I here to do?
I don't know ... but it looks like my kind of work.
  -- Sam and Al, about the contents of Jake's locker, "M.I.A."

#
Are you trying to tell me you have some kind of moral code for
picking up women?
Yes.
  -- Beth and Sam, "M.I.A."

#
Flying was his first love, the Navy was his second and I guess
I was his third, but I knew that when I married him.
  -- Beth, "M.I.A."

#
Don't tell me you were a biker, too.
My first car was a bike, I had a '48 Harley Knucklehead.
Named after you?
I'll pretend you didn't say that.
  -- Sam and Al, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
Is there anything you haven't done, Al?
Well there's one thing that's impossible to do on a bike.
  -- Sam and Al, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
Have you ever lost anybody?
Yeah, but I got him back.
  -- Ernie Tyler and Sam, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
Free love, I can see why he was *your* hero.
  -- Sam to Al, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
On the wheel of life we all go around we are many people at
many times.
  -- Jack Kerouac, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
This was my first leap back as a dirtball.
  -- Sam, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
You never know what's around the next corner.
Probably a head-on with a semi.
  -- Al and Sam, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
I gotta sit down and slip into a coma.
  -- Sam, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
The fifties were conformist, materialistic, repressive, boring and
stupid.
  -- Al, "Rebel Without a Clue"

#
SAM requires a human host.
  -- Malcolm Austin, Twin Peaks and QL fan, usenet

#
It's not Christmas where I am, I mean *when* I am, it's the
middle of July.
  -- Al, "A Little Miracle"

#
Al, you're a genius.
I am ... I am?
  -- Sam and Al, "A Little Miracle"

#
Ziggy says this one may be a little tricky.
Why?
You may have to bathe him.
  -- Al and Sam, "A Little Miracle"

#
What does a man like Blake need saved?
His soul.
  -- Sam and Al, "A Little Miracle"

#
Deck the halls with me and Bibi.
  -- Al, following the blonde maid, "A Little Miracle"

#
You're that jerk from the lobby, I recognize the tacky clothes and
the pale complection.
  -- Blake to Al, "A Little Miracle"

#
I'm a horrible man.
Yes sir.
  -- Blake and Sam, "A Little Miracle"

#
She's gonna have a big future as a mud wrestler, and she's only
14 and a half.
  -- Al, "Runaway"

#
You look even prettier than I remember.
That is the oldest line in the manual.
  -- Bill to Emma, and Al, "Runaway"

#
I've seen this scenario before ... and I don't like it.  Please
don't let it happen to Emma and her family.
  -- Al, "Runaway"

#
Daddy, maybe we can take a before picture ... so we can remember
what he looks like.
  -- Alex, before throwing her "little brother" to the monkeys,
     "Runaway"

#
I'm old enough to be my own father.
That's a first.
  -- Sam and Al, "Runaway"

#
Butchie, think fast!
  -- Hank, "Runaway"

#
Sam ... toss it out ... go ahead.  OK, good, and now don't ever do
it again.  That's just a special case this time.
  -- Al on littering, "Runaway"

#
I'm a kid ... nobody listens to me.
  -- Sam, "Runaway"

#
She called me 'monkey boy'!
  -- Sam, "Runaway"

#
I'm here to stop the big sister from noogie-ing him to death?
  -- Sam, "Runaway"

#
The good news was that Emma was still with her family.
The bad news ... So was I.
  -- Sam, "Runaway"

#
I'm sorry, but I don't have an orgasm waxing the damn kitchen floor!
  -- Emma, "Runaway"

#
Is that an old Japanese custom?
Oh no, I shake bugs off.
  -- Sam and Machiko (collecting dasies), "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
Trouble is, as soon as I put you two together, I'm outta here and
the old Gino is back, and you end up like Jimmy Hoffa.
Running the teamsters?
  -- Sam and Frankie, "Double Identity"

#
FLASH! President Eisenhower in a suprise move resigned from office
this morning in order to join a Buddist monestary. Said Ike 'I
just like being around guys with less hair than me.'
  -- Sam, "Good Morning, Peoria"

#
You owned a man-bag?"
Yea, my pants were always too tight to carry a wallet."
  -- Sam and Al, "Disco Inferno"

#
I run this network and I have just one thing to say to the fans of
Quantum Leap -- YOU WIN.
  -- Mr. Little, in the infamous NBC commercial

#
Thousands of you told NBC to take a flying leap ... so we did.
  -- TV guide ad for the return to Wed. nights

#
Something tells me we're in BIG trouble.
  -- Al, "8 1/2 Months"

#
You know, Little Lady, having a baby is about as simple as it gets.
Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, and even if
you may not know what to do about it, your body does.
I don't think so.
You'd be surprised.
So would you.
  -- Dr. Rogers and Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
It's gonna be very big in the 80's.
Well, I don't know where "A.D.'s" is...
  -- Sam and Leola, about her pink, punk hair, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Why don't you let me drive? [CONTRACTION HITS!]
Because you're busy!
  -- Sam and Dottie, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Sam, this is all happening in your imagination.
Go to Hell!!
  -- Al and Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Oh boy.
Know what, I think so too.
  -- Sam and Dottie after the baby kicked, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Jello and onions!
  -- Al, about Sam's choice of snack food, "8 1/2 Months"

#
I'm dressed like a giant TV dinner, talking to a hologram!  Now
what does that make me?
Eccentric.
  -- Sam and Al, "Future Boy"

#
Let's say it's Friday at 8 o'clock, and you want to go back to
Wednesday at 10, because you missed your favorite television
program...
  -- Moe, describing the timonometer, "Future Boy"

#
Before we sign off, we have time for one last letter ...
Today's letter is from little Sam Beckett of Elkridge, Indiana,
Sam writes: "Dear Captain Galaxy, could you please explain your
theory of time travel to us ...
  --  Captain Galaxy, "Future Boy"

#
According to my gyrograph, we are aboard a futuristic cruise ship
in the year *1987*!"
  -- Captain Galaxy, "Future Boy"

#
How come you can never find a time machine around when you need one?
  -- Moe, "Future Boy"

#
Don't tell me, let me guess -- you've been invited to a costume
party and you're going as a baked potato.
  -- Al, "Future Boy"

#
Boy, if only the guys at MIT could see you now.
  -- Al to Sam, who is dressed as a scouring pad, "Future Boy"

#
Look, time is like a piece of string.  One end of the string is
birth, the other is death.  You put them together, and life is a
loop.
Sam, that's your theory!
If I can travel fast enough along the loop, I will eventually end
up back at the beginning of my life.
He's almost got it!
  -- Moe and Al, "Future Boy"
It's a chicken... an upside down chicken.
  -- Sam, "Future Boy"

#
Let's say we examined each others' briefs and decided to call it
even.
  -- Al, "Future Boy"

#
Looks like Ziggy had a sloppy floppy on this one.
  -- Al, "Future Boy"

#
Careful, Ron. If you go on like this, you'll be passing out
Quantum Leap pamphlets at airports.
That's an idea!
  -- Ronald Frederick, usenet

#
Moe...Moe...Moe...Larry?...Curly?
  -- Sam, "Future Boy"

#
Maybe I could just jump off a cliff instead.
That would mean you were smart enough to find one.
  -- Sam and "Duck", "Animal Frat"

#
Peter Langley is one of the finest agents in the [FBI] department.
Huh, boy are you guys in trouble.
  -- Richardson and Dana, "Her Charm"

#
There is no way this baby is going to be coming right now, trust
me on that.
  -- Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
I can't have a baby!
  -- Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Pythagoras- we are gonna shoot some pool!
   -- Sam, "Pool Hall Blues"

#
You start the fire, I'll go find something to eat... probably have
to kill a bear or something.
With any luck the bear will kill her.
   -- Dana and Sam, "Her Charm"

#
Well, in case you and Ziggy haven't noticed they're all unscheduled
stops.  The only thing I'm scheduled to do here is get my brains
knocked out.
   -- Sam, "The Right Hand of God."

#
I don't know if I could love a man who killed my husband.
   -- Allison, "Play it Again, Seymour"

#
Congratulations on your prosperity, you and your wife are very,
very fat.
   -- Machiko, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
Suddenly this leap was beginning to feel like Bonnie and Clyde...
and a baby.
   -- Sam, "Maybe Baby"

#
It's gonna be a hell of a lot easier for you to catch her if you
open your eyes.
   -- Al, "Leaping in Without a Net"

#
Don't do this Charlie! Were not launching any rockets- it's just a
musical!
   -- Dolores, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
They don't give degrees to the hopelessly *stupid*.
   -- Kevin, "Another Mother"

#
The 'Me' decade, where everybody had the morality of two dogs in
the park.
   -- Sam, "Disco Inferno"

#
This family has suffered more drownings than unwanted kitty cats.
   -- Al, "Portrait for Troian"

#
Look what I picked up this morning.
The girl or the car?
   -- Al and Sam, "Camikazi Kid"

#
You're a triple A, superduper, overachiever type personality.
Unless you're reinventing the wheel every 33 seconds you're not happy.
   -- Al, "Animal Frat"

#
Uh-oh... trouble in River City.
   -- Al, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
I swear you got ears like a hawk.
I'm old, not dead.
   -- Miss Melanie and (son) John, "The Color of Truth"

#
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a sense of smell *that* sensitive?
Not with my husband's feet, no.
   -- Michelle and Waitress, "Blind Faith"

#
What unknown variables?
Well, if we knew the unknown, the unknown wouldn't be unknown.
   -- Sam and Al, "The Right Hand of God"

#
A fire would be dangerous.
So would pnemonia.
   -- Ms. Stolz and Sam, "A Portrait for Troian"

#
Man- you die cool!
   -- Corey, "Jimmy"

#
Once you've seen the light you can not go back into the darkness.
   -- Sam, "Color of Truth"

#
A friend, who knows a guy, whose got a kid, that works for a
trainer, who happens to have a sure thing in the fourth race at
Santa Anita.  Now don't you feel bad for jumping to conclusions.
   -- Al, "Play it Again, Seymour"

#
If you're going to sneak up on me, at least have the decency to
reflect in the mirror!
   -- Sam, "Her Charm"

#
Al? Am I boring you Al?
   -- Sam, "The Right Hand of God"

#
I'm a Christian.
Then show it.
   -- Lenore and Henry, "The Americanization of Machiko"

#
Hey, she's beautiful.  How come you didn't tell be she was beautiful?!
   -- Al, "Her Charm"

#
How come you always get the easy stuff.
Just lucky I guess.
   -- Sam and Al, "Sea Bride"

#
Ah-ha, so that's what you're suppose to look like in a tux.
   -- Sam, "Double Identity"

#
You're not afraid of me.
No.
You should be. I'm going to kill you.
   -- Roget and Sam, "Honeymoon Express"

#
No wonder nobody wants to touch me.
   -- Sam (looking in the mirror), "Good Night, Dear Heart"

#
Try clicking you heels together 3 times and saying "there's no place
like home."
   -- Al, "Thou Shalt Not"

#
I'm bleeding to death over here, and you pigs are talking about
guns and ammo.
   -- Pusher, "M.I.A."

#
Your laundry's done.
   -- Al, "Another Mother"

#
This is worse than anything imaginable.
   -- Sam, "Disco Inferno"

#
Good looking guys like us, we make women nervous.
   -- Frank, "Jimmy"

#
I'll try not to get shot here.
   --- Sam, "Play it Again, Seymour"

#
You look like you've been in a fight with a wild cat.
   -- Al, "Her Charm"

#
Are they gone?
Other than the smell- yes.
   -- Catherine and Jennifer, "Sea Bride"

#
Just a scratch...Angel
   -- Sam, "Play it Again, Seymour"

#
Nice little intimate shotgun wedding... 12 gauge.
   -- Al, "Star-Crossed"

#
Deceptivly smart people need to be watched.
   -- Doug, "Animal Frat"

#
From that little furrow between your eyebrows I take it we're lost?
   -- Dana, "Her Charm"

#
Some people can never forgive... not even themselves.
   -- Henry, "Americanization of Machiko"

#
Old women get old because they're smart.
   -- Nick's Brother, "Her Charm"

#
You're getting a little paranoid.
How do you think I've lived this long?
   -- Sam and Al, "The Color of Truth"

#
Spoken like a true martyr.
   -- Al, "Animal Frat"

#
Try your teeth next time, it's really macho.
   -- Chewy (instructing Sam on opening a Coke bottle), "All-Americans"

#
Chivalry is not dead, just waiting in the wings.
   -- Delilah, "So Help Me God"

#
How could you keep turning that doll down? I'd kill just to do her
laundry!
   -- Manny, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
Activate the time machine.
Stand by the time accellerator.
   -- Captain Galaxy, "Future Boy"

#
Shakespeare wrote dialog, Ben Harris writes television.
   -- Moe, "Future Boy"

#
Don't be rediculous, kid's love violence.
   -- Ben Harris, TV writer, "Future Boy"

#
I Don't have the flu!
Yeah, and you're not pregnant either.
   -- Sam and Al, "8 1/2 Months"

#
I tried to sleep last night, drinking water and making 900 trips
to the bathroom.
   -- Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Being pregnant isn't a reason to get married.
   -- Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
You know the expression "God works in mysterious ways"? ...
Well I think this is one of them.
   -- Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Al, I felt the baby kick!
   -- Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Al, read MY lips ... I'm pregnant.
   -- Sam, "8 1/2 Months"

#
I can't have this baby.
Honey, I think you're a bit too far along to stop now.
   -- Sam and Dottie, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Where the hell have you been!
In the waiting room with Billie Jean, the poor thing is terrified,
she thinks she's having the baby in an alien space ship.
   -- Sam and Al, "8 1/2 Months"

#
I'm having this baby!
No you're not Sam.
Honey, they can tell that.
   -- Sam, Al and Dottie, "8 1/2 Months"

#
Your Honor, Moe Stien is a dreamer, are we going to punish people
for that?
   -- Sam, "Future Boy"

#
I should have stayed in radio.
   -- Ben Harris, watching Mr. Scrubo, "Future Boy"

#
Quantum leap?
Quantum leap ... I like that, I like that a lot.
   -- Sam and Moe, "Future Boy"

#
I'd give anything to be degraded like that!
   -- Al, "Private Dancer"

#
He's so CUTE!  Take my phone number honey.
   -- Joanne, "Private Dancer"

#
She was my lab partner at MIT.  She was one of the brightest women
I've ever known.
And she wouldn't sleep with you.
No, why does your swiss chess memory always remember what I want
to forget?
   -- Al and Sam, "Private Dancer"

#
Ohh, Tina would look good without that on.
   -- Al, (spying on a bridal shower) "Camikazi Kid"

#
What matter wounds to the body of a knight errant for each time he
falls he shall rise again and WOE to the wicked.
   -- Sam as Don Quixote, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
That prattfall looked real!
It felt real.
   -- Joanne and Sam, "Private Dancer"

#
Please, just tell me that it isn't the 70's again!
   -- Sam, "Private Dancer"

#
I know music in a way you will never know.
When I look around, I see music everywhere.
There's the music in the stars.
The way they sparkle, I feel them.
There's music in the lights
as they dance in the water at night.
And how the leaves shake each other,
laughing like children at play.
When I feel the wind on my face,
the wind is my music.
   -- Diana, "Private Dancer"

#
I'm crazy?  You're the one living in a tow-away zone.
   -- Sam, "Private Dancer"

#
You strip.
There's a difference.
I don't see it.
Neither do I, but...
   -- Diana and Sam, "Private Dancer"

#
I *AM* the ghost of Christmas Future!  ooooooo
   -- Al,  "A Little Miracle"

#
Truth will out -- in a statement made by NBC executive, Warren
Littlefield, today it was 'exposed' that Quantum Leap has been put
on hiatus "until all the Scott Bakula fans in this country get
their hormone levels down to a manageable level".
   -- Mary Allison, usenet

#
Sixteen?  You think I  relationships don't wake up with

#
guilty consciences.
They don't have any fun either.
   -- Al and Sam, "The Right Hand of God"

#
The roar of the grease paint, the smell of the crowd.
I think that's the other way around.
You never did summer stock.
   -- Al and Sam, "Catch a Falling Star"

#
We are never going to war with Russia. In fact we're going to be
allies... it...could uh, happen...don't you think?
   -- Sam, "A Little Miracle"

#
I turned him into a raven and he flew out the window.
Why didn't you go with him?
I can only turn into a wolf.  I'd be to big to fit through the
bars.
Joseph and the Sheriff, "Freedom"

#
Sayin' ain't doin'
   -- Grady, "Pool Hall Blues"

#
Have you ever leaped and not at least survived?
   -- Joseph, "Freedom"

#
I'm an Indian!
Could be worse, you could be a white man.
   -- Sam and Joseph, "Freedom"

#
Redskins, best damn team in America.
   -- Joseph, "Freedom"

#
Piggy Suey, Piggy Suey ...
   -- Buddy, "How the Tess was Won"

#
Thanks, little brother.
   -- Tom Beckett, "Vietnam"

#
Where did you learn that, Togo?
Uh...T.V.
Oh, Marcus Welby.
   -- Joseph and Sam, about the jerry-rigged resperator oxygen
      tank, "Freedom"

#
If you keep that up, people who don't know you will think you're
looney-tunes.
   -- Dana, "Her Charm"

#
Hi, Cujo!
   -- Stevie, "Boogieman"

#
OK Ladies, let's hear it for that star of the Chippendales - Rod
the Bod!
   -- Mario, as Sam leaps in, "Private Dancer"

#
Shake your bootie!
   -- Al, "Private Dancer"

#
Help me!  I've LEAPed into the REAL WORLD, and I can't get out!!!
   -- Quantum Buc, usenet

#
REMEMBER:  Every day is LEAP Day when you own a VCR :-)
   -- Quantum Buc, usenet

#
Don't bother.  I've been on my own since I was 7.  I can do it
myself.  I want to do it on my own.
   -- Diana, signed to Sam, "Private Dancer"

#
Play it again, Sam. I always wanted to say that.
   -- Al, "Piano Man"

#
I wouldn't mind having a place I could call home for a while.
   -- Sam, "Piano Man"

#
Leapers do it time after time after time...........
   -- Mike Gaines, usenet

#
You changed history and now it's come back to bite you on the butt!
   -- Al, "Piano Man"

#
How did you write that song?
With a pen.
   -- Interviewer and Sam, "Glitter Rock"

#
All you do is go out there and make a complete idiot of yourself.
   -- Al, "Glitter Rock"

#
I really don't think it's wise to go swimming in another man's
pool.
   -- Al, "Glitter Rock"

#
Next time check your raincoat.
   -- Flash to Tonic, "Glitter Rock"
(slipped that bit of British slang past the NBC censors, didn't they?)

#
      Fate's Wide Wheel

As I travel in space and time
I want to stay, I want to go
You see my face, but it's not mine
What you can't see, you'll never know.

How can we meet if I'm not there?
Our hearts may touch, our bodies close
But time divides what we might share,
And sends us all where no one goes.

I'm just a traveler, upon the sea
Of time, of life, of fate's wide wheel.
Just a traveler, in this mystery
The me I am is all that's real to me.

   -- song by King Thunder, "Glitter Rock"

#
Listen, on this leap I want you to stay really close, OK?  Cause
if we see him I don't wanna take a chance on losing him.
I'll stick to you like glue.
   -- Sam and Al, "Glitter Rock"

#
Lucky this is radio!
   -- The Announcer, when a fan bares her chest for Tonic to sign,
      "Glitter Rock"

#
Do Hendrix ... or do Townsend.
Who?
That's right.
What is?
Who.
I don't know.
Townsend.
Who?
Yeah, that's right, Pete Townsend of the Who.
Of the what?
Never mind ... If worst comes to worst, do Milli Vanilli.
Who?
That's what I suggested in the first place!  Now get out there.
   -- Sam and Al do Abbott and Costello, "Glitter Rock"

#
I just have a thing for singing, dancing, time travelling quantum
physicists with puppy eyes.
   -- Debbie Brown, usenet

#
If you're a crook it's kind of hard to persue a career in law
enforcement.
   -- Sam, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
I'm a bounty hunter?
Did you grow up around a nuclear reactor?
   -- Sam and Diane, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
Why would a complete stranger want to kill me?  That doesn't make any
sense!
You're the one with all the PhDs, you tell me.
   -- Sam and Al, "Glitter Rock"

#
We should have killed him, brought him back to life, and killed him again.
   -- Flash about Duane, "Glitter Rock"

#
           Rock the Redhead

She stood 6 foot 4, barely fit through the door,
Her hair was the color of fire.
She said, "Baby what you need is some horizontal speed
And I'm the one to take your desire.
Baby, let me take you higher"

Rock the redhead all night
Rock the redhead so right
Rock the redhead tonight
Baby take me higher,
Baby take me through the night

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

   -- song by King Thunder, "Glitter Rock"

#
        Hot Spot

Hot spot
She knows how to use it.
Hot spot, oh yeah, hot spot
I can't refuse it
Baby won't you turn up the heat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah

   -- song by King Thunder, "Glitter Rock"

#
She's innocent ... Sam, I can see it in her eyes.
You do not.  You may feel it in your loins, but you definitely
do not see it in her eyes.
Sam!
What?
I feel it in my loins.
   -- Al and Sam, about Al's reaction to Diane, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
I'm glad I'm a hologram and don't have to smell you - you must really reek.
   -- Al, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
She looks exactly like Maxine, my fifth wife.  Did I ever tell you how I
met her?  She was in a tattoo parlor ...
   -- Al, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
Her name is Diane, not Maxine!
Yeah, I know that.
   -- Sam and Al, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
I was 99.9 percent sure that she was cheating on me with another guy
... and a Marine!
   -- Al, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
This is great ... I'm stuck out here in the middle of nowhere handcuffed
to a woman that's trying to kill me and my best friend is trying to work
through guilt about his fifth wife.
   -- Sam, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
I'm only human.
That's a matter of opinion.
   -- Diane and Sam, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
Sam, what are you doing down there?  This is no time to take a snooze!
   -- Al, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
What is this stuff?
Manure.
   -- Diane and Sam, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
This is the leap from Hell!  When is it going to end?
   -- Sam, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
There are five stages of love, the first is denial, second is sex, then
there's acceptance, then is divorce, and then there's sex, if you're
lucky. ... it's a theory of mine and a darn good one!
   -- Al, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
Thank God my wife Maxine couldn't kick like that!
   -- Al, "A Hunting We Will Go"

#
I'm having a REALLY lousy day and Quantum Leap won't be on.
Wednesday without Quantum Leap is like a WEEK without sunshine.
   -- Mary Allison, usenet

#
You shake my nerves, and you rattle my brain...
That kind of love drives a....er, WOMAN insane.
You broke my will, oh what a thrill
Goodness, gracious, Great balls of fire!
   -- Sam, "Miss Deep South"

#
Leapers do it with assistance from neurological holograms.
   -- Andrew Dawson, usenet

#
QUANTUM LEAPING, THE ONLY WAY TO TRAVEL!!
   -- Debbie Brown, usenet

#
IS IT WEDNESDAY YET??
   -- Mary Allison, usenet

#
It's not like you're lost in a mall, you're lost in time!
   -- Al, "Last Dance Before an Execution"

#
I never knew there were lawyers with morals.
   -- Al, "Last Dance Before an Execution"

#
What have you got, an angel on retainer?
   -- Tersa, "Last Dance Before an Execution"

#
Are you an angel?
   -- the little girl in the church, to Al, "Last Dance Before an Execution"

#
Your husband ... remember him, the man you're married to, the
rather large man who enjoys ripping things apart.
   -- Sam to Sherrie, "Heart of a Champion"

#
This doctor must walk like a duck.
What?
Because he's a quack.
Oh Al.
   -- Al and Sam, "Heart of a Champion"

#
Sam, are you OK?
Do I *look* OK?
Well, not really.
   -- Al and Sam, "Heart of a Champion"

#
I'm gonna beat him!
Beat him?  You couldn't slow him down with a tranquilizer gun!
   -- Sam and Al, "Heart of a Champion"

#
What do you think he would do if he saw you here like this?
Before or after he killed you?
Yeah, right.
   -- Sam and Sherrie, "Heart of a Champion"

#
Robohead is letting himself in ...
   -- Al, about Carl ripping the door off, "Heart of a Champion"

#
There's women that get a big thrill out of watching men suffer.
Trust me on this, I've been married to most of them.
   -- Al, "Heart of a Champion"

#
Nicholai and Ivan, THE BATTLING RUSSKIES!
   -- the wrestling announcer, "Heart of a Champion"

#
This is the first time I've seen a vending machine with a head on it!
   -- Al, "Heart of a Champion"

#
Sure, next thing you know, you'll be telling us wrestling isn't real.
These are the kind of guys that keep those fishing shows on the air.
   -- The guys in the bar and Al, "Heart of a Champion"

#
I won't even mention the red tights. :-)
   -- Debbie Brown, usenet, about "Heart of a Champion"

#
If I want to see violence, I'll watch the news.
   -- Myra, "Heart of a Champion"

#
He must have picked up something.
Yeah, his medical bag.  Right after he pronounced Ronnie 'fit as a fiddle'.
   -- Al and Sam, "Heart of a Champion"

#
That's not a plan, that's suicide.
   -- Al, "Heart of a Champion"

#
I've got to cut off the oxygen to his brain.
Brain, what brain?
   -- Sam and Al, discussing the sleeper hold, "Heart of a Champion"

#
You want to see the sleeper again?
   -- Sam, "Heart of a Champion"

#
What do you expect, a hologram to knock?
   -- Al, "Nuclear Family"

#
Hell no, we won't go.... I gotta admit, it's a catchy slogan.
   -- Lt. Tom Beckett, "Vietnam"

#
This is great, I'm tuned in to little kids, I'm tuned in to
animals, and now the mentally absent.  Why not blondes?
   -- Al, "Shock Theater"

#
Keep your hands outta me!
I gotta check my medication.
   -- Al and Tibby, "Shock Theater"

#
Now you know what happens when you try to fry swiss cheese --
the holes sorta get filled in, but the rest has to turn to
mush to do it.  :-)
   -- Christine Gregory, usenet, about "Shock Theater"

#
"This only is denied to God, the power to undo the past."
                        --Agathon
"Agathon was wrong."
                        --Any member of Project: Quantum Leap
   -- [e-mail] (NIX,MORRIS LAMAR)

#
Oh Boy!
   -- Sam and Al, at the end of "Shock Theater"

#
You're a loony toon
In a big white room
And I'm a hologram
From the future
And I'm moving fast
Back into the past
And I've got to say
I'm pleased to meet ya'!
Because you're my man
And I've got some thing that you can understand
You've got to the power
To write and read
To say that's guaranteed.
I'm gonna give you what you need!
   -- Rapmaster Al, "Shock Theater"

#
So I'm a good guy?
Yeah.  You're a *damned* good guy!
   -- Sam and Al, "Shock Theater"

#
Al...don't leave me...
I won't, Sam.
   -- Sam and Al, "Shock Theater"

#
This here is the sub-atomic structure of a quark --
What the hell is a quark?!?
   -- "Jesse", "Shock Theater"

#
Quantum Leap--It's not just a show, it's a way of life.
        It's not just a show, it's a great way to use bandwidth
        It's not just a show, it's an excuse for parties...
   -- Sally (Lucky Bitch) Smith

#
You can't just dump a bucket of water on his head and say 'Hey
kid, you're not dead, you're just 25 years in the future.'
   -- Al, "Last Dance Before an Execution"

#
If I had had an attorney like that when I was in court, I'd
still be in court.
   -- Al, about Tersa, "Last Dance Before an Execution"

#
Don't tell Gloria.
   -- "Samantha", "Shock Theater"

#
Oh great Sam, now they think you're Sybil!
   -- Al, "Shock Theater"

#
The air is filthy and the cars are still on the ground, but we're
working on it.
   -- Al, "Shock Theater"
#
#END